Bouncing Back

Today I wanted to write a bit about some struggles I've been facing recently and how I've been trying to overcome them. Everybody has their own hurdles in life and I find one of the best ways to get over them is by hearing/reading about other peoples experiences, it helps you to realize you are not going through this alone! So sorry for the long post, but it will help me to share this and hopefully it can help someone else too.

Those of you who know me, or have been reading my blog for a while, will know that I've been living in the Netherlands for just over a year now. Arjan and I moved here after he graduated from university to try to make something of our band, the music industry is much better for new bands in the Netherlands than in the UK. We originally planned to live at his parents's house for one or two months, enough time to find jobs and get our own place again. Or so we thought.
We both searched for jobs non-stop at the beginning, focusing on the city Maastricht as we wanted to move there. We assumed that, because of the multi-lingual university situated in the city, there would be english speaking jobs available, either in student bars or facilities near the campus, but after a good time looking and a few visits to recruitment agencies, it became apparent that they were few and far between. Any that were available were true 'professional' jobs and seeing as I dropped out of my university course and have no degree, there weren't any I was suitable for.
Arjan graduated with a degree in song-writing, useful to the progress and successful management of our band, but not to most prospective employers.
There was a lot of disappointment through this time, we were surprised at how much more difficult this process was than we thought it would be and I can't speak for Arjan, but my confidence and determination took a severe beating.

After a while, we decided to focus on the band, we wrote some more songs, booked gigs almost every weekend and worked towards recording a second EP. It was a release to have something else to concentrate on for a while and not have the pressure of job-hunting constantly on my mind. It also gave me an excuse to visit home more regularly than I normally would have been able to. My parents both work full time and my brothers aren't particularly house-trained, so I would go home for a week and give the house a thorough scrubbing, feed everyone and stock the freezers with quick dinners. My mum paid me for the help and I enjoyed being back for a time.

It was very easy to settle in to that kind of life; weekly gigs, blogging, helping Arjan's Oma and trips home tricked me into feeling productive, but in reality we spent most of our days doing nothing.
A couple of years ago I slid into a deep depression, I couldn't attend my classes, I could barely leave the house and I felt like I couldn't talk to my family about it. Earlier in the year, without anything to keep me busy and give me a rhythm, I could feel myself steadily dropping into that horribly familiar feeling. Luckily, my mum and I are closer than we've ever been and since moving here, we have been having great, long phone calls where we can get any troubles off our chests and have a good rant to each other. It's been a real help to me and it's entirely possible that I would have given up and moved back home long before without them.  

A few months ago Arjan was told by a family friend that one of the postal services was looking for local delivery people, so he emailed in and shortly after, was assigned a route through the village. I decided to help him and twice a week we're brought crates of post that we have to organize and then deliver. It's in no way something you could live off of, but it's keeping us busy and giving us a little money. I've also found that having that regularity in my life has made me much less afraid at the prospect of a proper job again.

You've probably noticed that Utrecht has been featuring in a lot of my recent posts, we've been staying with friends there quite regularly over the last few months and have fallen in love with the city, not long ago we resolved to find jobs and move there, so we started the hunt once more. Utrecht is a large city with another big, multi-lingual university and you hear a lot of english speakers on the streets, it's also in close proximity to Amsterdam, so once again we assumed that there would be a lot of english speakings jobs available. Although my dutch has progressed a lot over the last year and I can understand about 60-70% of conversations (when not held at lightening speed), I'm still not great at speaking it, I get confused about what words should go where and I'm embarrassed to try incase I get it wrong (I envy people who will just give it a go no matter how ridiculously wrong they may get it).
We spent days walking around, handing CVs out to anyone with signs in the windows, emailing companies and going to recruitment agencies. But once again, nothing came of it. We didn't let this rattle us though, being in Utrecht and having (temporary) independence reminded us why we were doing it and kept us determined.

One day we were just going to the cash machine down the road from where we were staying and we saw a place with the windows covered and huge posters asking for waiting staff, chefs and kitchen help. I have always loved cooking and have thought about working in a professional kitchen many times so this seemed like the perfect chance.
To my complete surprise I received a reply to my email that wasn't a no! I spoke a bit with the owner of the business and eventually arranged an interview during the time I was next in Utrecht. I am a naturally pessimistic person, so even with an interview I was convinced that it would go horribly or that they would just flat-out reject me for not having previous experience in a kitchen or something like that. I was a nervous wreck on the way there that morning, my heart was in my throat I couldn't eat for the butterflies in my stomach and I had Arjan rehearse over and over what points I should discuss with them. But it went brilliantly! I left with a huge smile on my face and felt almost certain that I had gotten the job. I was told I would need to wait a couple of weeks for a reply and so I did, happily. But a couple of days after the two week mark and I had still had no word from them. I left it a couple more days then sent an email, just enquiring how everything was going and if they had made a decision yet. It took a while to get a reply and when it came, all they said was that there were still a few more interviews and I'd hear after the weekend. But once again I was left waiting for much longer and I started doubting myself.
Then another email came, saying they weren't sure yet what they could give me in hours but would like to call to discuss it later in the week. I was hopeful again, it wasn't a no yet and they were clearly considering me.
But time passed and I sat waiting for a call that never came. Instead I got a final email, apologizing for stringing it out and that I hadn't got the job. In the end it came down to a piece of equipment, a wood-fired oven that they would have in the kitchen and required people with experience to use it.
After such a roller-coaster, I felt deflated and empty. I'd been so sure at the start but it wasn't to be.
I messaged my mum and a few Utrecht friends letting them know what had happened, then after a few minutes of wallowing in sadness I thought about why I'd been looking for a job in the first place and started coming up with a plan B. I asked my friends for suggestions and got straight back into searching the internet for any possibilities.

After a disappointment like this, the most important thing is to find the positives in the situation (cheesy, I know, but it's true). I may not have gotten the job, but it took such a long time to hear back because that whole time they were considering me. My interview went well enough that even though I have no experience in a professional kitchen, they were thinking about hiring me. It doesn't seem like much, but its given me the confidence to go out and try to get more interviews and maybe I won't be quite so nervous next time.
My friends have been brilliant in helping me with this as well, speaking to people who may be hiring, suggesting different possibilities to look into, keeping me positive about everything.

I'm still looking for a job but I'm feeling happier about the whole thing now.

I suppose to summarize this post, what I'm trying to say is: if job-hunting is getting you down, try not to take rejections personally, seek out positive things that you have accomplished and maybe ask for some feedback from interviews (what went well, what could be worked on). Being proactive will keep you positive and a good support network of family and friends to keep your spirits high is best of all.